


This is fucking ass dude

by evildoer



Category: One Direction
Genre: Other, i'm going to hell pt.2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 13:57:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1607603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evildoer/pseuds/evildoer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Let's play a game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is fucking ass dude

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically revolved around twitter friends and inside jokes and honestly this isn't even funny I'll be surprised if anyone laughs it's just terrible and random and just not ok honestly please just make me feel like trash after reading this.   
> (what is grammar in this fic)

"Hello I'm Fiore and I'm your host!"

"Where the fuck are we??" Yelena looks around frantically and eventually lands her eyes on the host,  
"I swear to god Fiore.."  
"I was just getting off to 16 yr old harry:/"

The host narrows her eyes, "here we have team #1, Yelena, YESSI and Brenton"  
"My names Brendan"  
"Alright Brighton."  
"How the fuck do you get Brighton from Bren---"

"Team 2! Jackie, Manda, and Megan"  
"Tomlinshaw 5ever!!!"  
"Benicetoharry2k14!!!"  
"Who are these people"  
"IMGOUNG TOGUCKING CRUSH MEGAN'S FUCKING SOUL IMGOUNG TO FUVKINF RIP HER EYEBROWS OUTAND THEN SLCE HER UP UNTONLITTLE PEICES AND FEED HER RABID DOGS" Yessi screams from behind her panel 

 

"Aaaaand this is why there is unbreakable glass between each team"  
"I don't think that exist---"  
"Shut up brentumblefuck"  
"HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET BRENTUMBLEFUCK--"

 

"And last, Team 3! Harry and Liam."  
"Not quite sure why we only have 2 people and all the other teams have 3?"   
"Because everyone loved lirry, harry" Fiore smiles combingly.  
"I don't even know who this guy is.." Liam chokes out, while swallowing a whole chicken thigh.  
"FUCKING CHOKE" someone yells out

 

"Right... now back to the actual game." The host says, rolling her eyes. "The basic rules are-- well actually I dunno if there are any rules but try not to commit suicide not because I care if you do but because that would make the story less interesting." The host pauses,   
"Well actually unless you come up with a great creative way to kill yourself then really i'm all up for that but other than that just really don't fucking kill yourself." She says rolling her eyes.

 

"First question! We'll start from something easy. If you or someone else were to kill themselves, how would you do it? Come up with your most creative answer!"  
"Why are we even playing this how did this even happen how did we get here what is even going on"   
"If you don't play the game you'll probably rot here." the host smiles her most glimmering smile, "3 minutes!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~Call me what you want but you can't call me broke,  
MONEY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Alright time to share your answers, let's start with lirry first."  
Harry blinks, Liam continues to eat random shit he pulls out from his pocket.  
"Well my answer was, no one should ever kill themselves because they are wanted in this world their family loves them-"  
"I'M FATHERLESS!" Jackie shouts in the middle of his speech,  
"-even if you are fatherless your friends want you-"  
"I don't have friends." Brendan comments.  
"-even if you don't have friends there's going to be people in the future who will be there for you-"  
"Well what if I kill myself?" Yelena mocks.  
"What? The whole point of this is for you to not kill yourself?" Harry says quizzically,  
"STOP INTERfREUPTING AHARRH LEAVE HUNS ALONE HE IS A PERFEC THEYMAN BEIG HE DOESNT DO ANYTHING WRONG GOT YOU TO TReatHIM LKELNTHIS HKW COJKD GOINFK THIS TO HUN HIS SPEECH IS BEAUTOFUL AND WONDERFUL JUSF LIKE HIMSELF-"  
"Who is she?" Harry whispers to Liam,   
"Who are you?"   
"Good question."  
"-AND GOU'RE ALL GOING TOHELL FORNTIIS YOU ALL ARE GLJNN TO BRURN IN HELL FOR BENG SO RUDE TO SOMEONE WITH SUCH A SPIRITUAL AND HEVANELY PRESENCE-"  
"Someone shut this bitch up." Megan spits from her panel, "she's screaming in my fucking ear."

"Taser this bitch please"  
Manda falls to the floor and the room is finally quiet.  
"Anyway so harry no one fucking cares 0/10 no points for you."  
"Next panel! Team #2!"

"Well my creative version was Yessi reading tomlinshaw and then her cutting until she bleeds about but then she finds out her blood is black just like her soul so she just dies from basically laughing and bleeding and very excruciating pain." Megan explains her eyes unfocused,

"Well then!! I give that an 8/10 nicely done!" The host claps giddily.  
"This is mean." harry frowns.  
Liam continues to smack on un-identified food.

 

"Next question!"  
"You never asked us the question wtf" Brendan comments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
*i'm a boss ass bitch plays distantly*  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Where the fuck are we now."

"See the thing is I was going to ask another useless question but you're all fucking annoying so I'll just have a game called survival of the fittest." Someone says overhead, obviously it's the crack addict host if you're fucking dumb and couldn't answer the question yourself. Kill yourself.

"Ooo!!!! Like the hunger games!!" Yelena says, clapping her hands.  
"Did someone say hunger?" Liam perks up, his fat jiggling along with his swift movement. He frowns.  
"Do I get knives?" Yelena says excitedly. *mumbling about knife kink* 

 

"Your tools n shit are to the right of all of you if you're blind so just kill each other I think I'll get better views from this." She sighs, "And you're off." 

 

*i'm a boss ass bitch plays along with the image of Liam be rolled around by harry in a forest*  
("Nice double chin" "thanks I grew it myself")

 

-Team 1-   
"Let's kill Liam and eat him"  
"Who said that"

*Jennifer Lawrence pops out of no where and trips*   
*crowd laughs*  
"BOOOOO 0/10 YOU FAKE ASS FAT CONNIVING BITCH"  
(That wS yessi)

And the hunt went on.

-Team 2-  
*leaves manda in the sea to drown*  
"It was for the best"  
"Tomlinshaw ?"  
"What?"

 

-Team 3-  
*liam fishing and harry faced down in the sand*  
"Hahaha remember when zayn was late to the coffee shop"   
"Is that a type of cuisine?"

-Team 1-  
"Can't wait to square up against lirry tho"  
"I have knives" Yelena offers.   
"We're not using knives that's some pussy shit."  
"Guys I'm scared I wanna go home"

"Shut it brainfuck" Fiore says from above.  
Brendan cries, "How are you still here??????/??/?/?"

-team 2-  
"We have to come up with a strategy"  
*distant speaking of tongues* "Tomlinshaw???/"  
"I swear to god you were speaking English just 3 minutes ago

-Team 3-  
"Did you hear something rustling in the bushes ?" Harry asks frantically, and stops rolling Liam.  
"Might be a walking chicken leg"

A black (sorry I mean African American I'm not racist I swear I really don't mean to oh my god look at me I sound racist oh my god what if I am racist I don't deserve to live or be in the band look at me I'm such a horrible person)

While harry is going through this process of thinking YESSI gets her hands on Liam and rips his guts out and eats it and laughs and backflips back into the bushes.

"OH MY GOD! POOR LIAM! SO SAD!" Harry says slowly taking the food Liam was munching on and shoves it into his pockets,  
"ThIS IS JUST UNBEARABLE--" he says, eating a pack of m&m's.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~*Batman theme song plays* (in the memory of Liam Edward Payne I think that's his middle name I don't know maybe he doesn't even have one it's not like anyone pays enough attention to care anyway)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

((((my brother is masturbating again wow amazing))))

*distant fapping in the background*

 

-Team 2-  
Jackie strangles Megan to death with a large leaf stem, (her last words were particularly "tomlinshawlilo")  
"Not sure how that was possible but alright guess i'm on my own"

Jackie steps over a huge tree stem,   
"Wait no narrator that isn't a tree   
stem it's harry styles."

 

*spiderman theme song plays overhead in memory of the aids stricken louis Tomlinson who didn't have enough money for the meds even though he was in one direction* (it really was all lottie's fault she told him to buy Columbia or some mexican state and of course he did because god does he love Mexicans!) (and burritos) 

 

-Team 1-  
*brendan masturbating in the corner*  
(really when I wrote this I heard se nasty squirting that was coming from the bathroom and I really just couldn't do it anymore)

*yessi mumbling about how disgusting the guts tasted but it was worth it because it was liam payne for god's sakes*

*yelena sneaking out with pocket full of knives*

Team 2 (or should I just say Jackie because there really is not team 2 because Jackie killed them both)

"Did I just hear rustling in the bushes?"  
"GETAWAYFROMTBUSHES THISBSINEHAT HAPPENED WHEN SOME CRzy" harry whispers, (African American.) "FUKCKIG ATE SOME GUTsBITCHTHIS AINT THE AFRICANJUNGLE THIS IS--I DONT EEN KNOW WHERE WE ARE BHT LET'S ASSUME IT'S NOT AFRICA BC THERE WOJLD BE AFRICAN'S TRIBAL DANCING AND STARVING AND DOING OTHER SHIT AFRICAN'SDO AND IMPRETTY SURE TWERKING ORIGINATEDFTOM AFRican CULTUREDID I EVER MENTIKN i'BE TRIED TWERKING ON A MAN'S DICK AND GOT AIDS AND THEN PASSED ITONTO LOUIS TOMLINSON-"

Jackie was already dead by the time he finished his African rant; a straight nice slice to her throat. 

 

*african tribal music*

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I just wasted like 10 minutes of your time and I hope you feel like trash and you think of me as trash after reading this as well. Peace niggas.


End file.
